Thoughts on 'The Art of Gathering'

I’ve been a planner of events – both personal and professional – for most of my life. I’ve planned meetings, small dinners with friends, family gatherings, and corporate events. When done well, these get-togethers tug at something deep and soulful inside of me. After all, there’s something magical about being with others. 
 
I’d like to think Priya Parker would agree. She wrote “The Art of Gathering,” a beautiful book that both inspired me and allowed me to articulate what makes an event worthwhile. ​

To start with, Parker asserts that events are not about a bunch of checked-off details. They shouldn’t be about creating a setting or making a place beautiful. 
 
The reason for creating the moment, she says, is about the people or, more specifically, getting “the right people in a room (to) help them collectively think, dream, argue, envision, trust and connect for a larger purpose.” 
 
In other words, much less Martha Stewart and the right kind of tableware, and more human engagement. 
 
Her premise makes sense. In my experience, logistics are the easy part. Logistics are utilitarian and certainly require consideration and negotiation skills, (think accessibility, restrooms, parking, affordability) but it’s really the purpose of the event that matters. 
 
I marvel when the preparation, invitation, structure, and rules for an event inspire meaningful connections between participants and spark momentum and action afterwards. 
 
“When we don’t examine the deeper assumptions behind why we gather, we end up skipping too quickly to replicating old, staid formats of gathering,” Parker writes. “And we forgo the possibility of creating something memorable, even transformative.”  
 
 Here are 12 takeaways I gathered from her book: 
   

1. Define the purpose of an event. Remember: type is NOT purpose. Ask yourself: why is this event different from others of the same general type?  
   
   
2. Leave people out. You have a meaningful purpose when you can generously exclude people. Determine who fits and meets the gathering’s purpose. Identify who is irrelevant and threatens the purpose of the gathering.  
   
   
3. Appreciate the magic of gathering 6, 12, 30, and 120 people. Plan appropriately.  
   
   
4. Understand how the right-sized room shifts the intensity of the guest interactions.
   
   
5. Recognize that people are affected by environment – it can break or encourage people’s habits. Think first of PURPOSE when selecting a venue for a retreat, conflict-infused meeting, or holiday activity.  
   
   
6. Host. Don’t abdicate leadership; it confuses the guests. Parker describes small interventions which can help the host protect, equalize, and connect guests. For example, good hosts will stick out their necks to help guests connect with each other. 
   
   
7. Establish rules for the event, which can transform the gathering and create a temporary, alternate world. Restrictions can actually free people from their staid thinking, connecting, or conversations. Consider ground rules that allow for honest conversations and allow people to take risks.
   
   
8. Plan. Ninety percent of a successful gathering is put into place before the event.   
   
   
9. Prime your guests for the upcoming experience. A gathering starts as soon as they receive an invitation. As Parker writes: “every gathering benefits or suffers from the expectations and spirit with which guests show up.”  
   
   
10. Start the event as though the first moments of are critical, because audiences don’t have a strong memory. They tend to remember the first 5 minutes and the last moments.
    
    
11. Say thank you when it’s most meaningful, not at the end. 
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12. In closing, return to purpose. Connect to something universal and create a symbolic parting to usher the guests to the next part of their journey.  ​

After reading this book, I was inspired to attend an event Parker curated last fall in Minneapolis. I wanted to experience an event planned with her creativity and precision. I also was hoping to meet the author in person. I wasn’t disappointed on either account. 

After all, gathering is an art, not a science. Parker proves that well. 
 
– Rachel  ​